Penises are getting smaller: fact or fiction?

One of the delights of being editor of the Telegraph's Men 
section is that you can use your contributors to settle office arguments.

And so it was that my editor emailed me to ask whether men's penises have got smaller over the last few generations. Someone in the office thought they'd read it somewhere, others weren't so sure. Presumably a quick show-and-tell in the toilet didn't settle anything.

Penises come in all shapes and sizes, always have done and always will.

I spent as long as I could bear checking out the research, and althoughthe theory that penises are getting smaller is quite widespread, especially in Italy, it doesn't seem to be backed up by hard evidence. Men have always measured their penises, and jammed a ruler in so tightly to convince themselves they nudge six inches that it leaves a 'Helix mark', but not many have gone public with their findings.

Scientists can’t agree on the correct way and state of firmness to measure a penis but observational studies of men who make a living from pornography would suggest that penises at the far end of the normal curve have actually got bigger over the years. In vintage pornography, a penis is commonly the size of a baby's arm holding an apple. In the modern porn, it's not unusual to see a full-sized draft excluder.

Science of course requires proper measurement. The average erect gorilla penis is only 3cm (1.25 inches) long, the average chimp sports 8cm erect and the average human penis today stands at around 13cm. However, primates other than man have a bone in their penis that is good to go anytime, whereas men have a highly complex system relying on nerves, chemical transmitters, pumps, blood supply, spongey tissues, thoughts and feelings all to come together at the same time.

Not easy, which is why it will fail in all men at some stage.

We don't have much data on adult male penis size from 60 years ago, despite Alfred Kinsey's efforts. However what we do know is that men are living a lot longer and carrying more weight than they used to. Sixty years ago, half of us died before the age of 65. Now one in three of us live to 100.

When previously we might have gone out with a bang at the retirement party, many of us are having to carry our penises around for another 30 years or more.

The older penis droops more, just as all parts of the body seem to hang down lower, but it doesn't always stand up and swell like it used to and so may appear smaller. Drugs like Viagra can help a failing erection, as can a cock ring. Indeed, any penis is capable of expanding hugely if it has enough blood in it. A cock ring stops the blood escaping but you should never have it on for more than half an hour and always choose one with handles. If you just put the ring on, you might not get it off again. It swells up like a wedding ring on a septic finger, and eventually turns black. It's an emergency, but one that your local casualty department could probably do without at the moment.

A big belly makes your penis look smaller, and if you can't see it at all when you look down you need to get a grip quickly. You’re at high risk of type two diabetes and arterial disease, which can also affect the frequency and firmness of your erections.

The bottom line is that a good erection is a sign of good physical and mental health, but for most women, your smile and smell are far more important than actual size.

Creativity, love, laughter, soap and good communication are much faster route to a happy love life than six months alone in the dark with a penis enlarger. Trust me.

telegraph.co.uk